It’s cool out this November afternoon and the sun is already behind the red sandstone cliffs. Like usual, the blue Colorado sky above delivers a promise:
Everything is as it should be.
Each step fills me with peace and appreciation for the beauty that surrounds me, and I recognize that nature nurtures gratefulness.
As I walk along, I contemplate how our culture tells us to be grateful. It’s a nice sentiment and a great goal, but we can’t always flip on the gratitude switch. Authentic gratitude can’t be forced. We can nurture the sense of gratefulness through things like nature, but sometimes gratefulness isn’t accessible.
Our hurt, wounded parts, might be feeling shame or overwhelm. Our proactive protective manager parts, like our perfectionist, worker-bee, and people-pleaser parts may be taking over and running the show. Or reactive fire-fighting protector parts might be trying to put out the pain through overeating, overdrinking, or numbing on Netflix. From these states, gratefulness is likely limited.
Maybe it’s not about trying to be grateful, at all. Maybe it’s about finding that wisest, most peaceful core – Self. When we have enough Self present, we will naturally feel grateful. If I focus on being grateful and that isn’t accessible, I’ll get frustrated and feel shame because I can’t just be grateful.
I keep relearning that when I move toward what is happening in the moment – when I acknowledge my struggles and validate my emotions (all those parts within) with compassion, this is when gratefulness comes. And this is authentic gratefulness.
How can we get to authentic gratefulness? Someone recently reminded me of RAIN. Recognize the emotion or struggle (i.e., part or parts). Acknowledge the part or parts and be with them for a bit until they feel more at peace. Investigate the part or parts– where do I feel these in my body? Nurture – what do these parts need? It’s simple! Maybe, just maybe, I can learn to turn on the RAIN switch! And RAIN can move us into an authentic gratefulness.
Footnote: A quick refresher in Internal Family Systems (IFS): In IFS, there are exiles, protectors, and Self. Exiles are the wounded and vulnerable parts of us that carry emotional pain, trauma, or unresolved experiences. The protector parts take on a protective role to prevent the exiles from being triggered. And Self is our truest essence and inner wisdom. Self is fundamentally whole, compassionate, and wise.
