60. The Moon in My Heart

Above the red cliffs, the waning moon lights the dawn, while a congregation of birds softly sing their morning hymns. The profound stillness and serenity of the morning wipe the discord and contraction of the previous day and evening clean. The new day presents with an expansive timelessness. And the sheer radiance of it brings me to my knees. Time stops. My ears, eager to hear the message of the universe in the silence.

And the clear, earsplitting message resounds, gathers in my heart.

The Message is wordless – all I am able to decipher and articulate from The Message is that –

The Universe dwarfs discord and discontent

Every pore is hungry for This Message and I wait until each pore is saturated. I want each pore to drip The Message. I want The Message to be indelibly inscribed in my heart, in my thoughts, and in everything I do. I want to bring The Message into my small world. I want my world to expand, to swell. I want to live as big as the Universe and The Message.

 

Dawn slowly evaporates and the starkness of morning sun brings edges and reality. Mundane activities dilute The Message. Soon, it’s sharpness and clarity, are muddled, The Message now a foreign memory. What was the Message? Maybe I can remember just one small piece of The Message. I comb the corners of my mind and wring out my heart in search of just a remnant. When I think I’ve captured some remnant, I claw my fingers into it. But it mostly sifts through my hands, except for one tiny relic. The relic only amounts to a sliver of a sensation in some recess in my heart.

I try to bring what is left of The Message, Relic, into the day’s chores, duties, obligations. I will be at peace this day, I tell myself. But soon there is a small contraction and Relic disappears. The day carries on. The piercing sun penetrates.

It blinds, it binds, it burns. It judges. It scolds. It contracts. My heart contracts. I wait for Relic. Where is Relic?

I step outside. I take in a deep breath. I sit in wait for Relic.

I close my eyes and three-quarter moon over red cliffs appears.

I breathe in moon, cliffs, timelessness, expansiveness and The Wordless Message.

Sand verbena

Rainbow of flowers under the red cliffs

Barrel Cactus
look deep inside a flower
Sego Lily
Sand Verbena
Phlox
Claret Cup
Coreopsis
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Lisa

Based in Grand Junction, Colorado, as a trauma therapist, Lisa Lesperance Kautsky, MA, LPC, provides individual therapy to adults working through anxiety, panic, trauma, and codependency issues in the state of Colorado. Lisa is certified in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing or EMDR and is currently working towards certification in Internal Family Systems (IFS). Additionally, Lisa is an advocate of Nature Therapy and creates Red Bike Blog promoting mental health wellness as shown through nature's wisdom.