Pink-gray clouds cover the predawn sky, and an early morning coolness caresses my face. The petals of the pink and white sego lilies have not yet unfurled for the new day. I breathe in the peace-filled stillness and reflect on the intelligence of the segos. How do they know it’s time to unfurl? Why do they roll up in the first place? It’s likely some sort of protective mechanism.
It’s about protection…
Contemplating this, I picture myself furled up when I think of things outside my comfort zone – strange food, large crowds, being in the spotlight, just to mention a few. Then I consider how we, as clients within the therapy session, sometimes furl up – we find ourselves resistant to opening within session. This doesn’t make sense at first, but, when we put resistance in the context of the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model, we say we have a part of ourselves that is resistant. This part is a protector. And when we look deeper into this protector part, we begin to see the logic of the resistance – it’s about safety. In therapy, we may not feel comfortable being up front or honest because we fear rejection, we fear being judged, we fear not being acceptable. Like the sego, we are furled.
So, what can we do about this?
First, we identify the protector, and get to know it. Knowing this part will help us understand its protective strategy. When we send this part some appreciation or curiosity about its protective intention, we begin to develop a relationship with this part (parts love to be recognized and appreciated). This attention deepens the relationship and when the protector feels safe, we can collaborate with it and then we have a system to work with.
Need help with one of your resistant parts?
