We find ourselves in midsummer. The longest day of the year has passed and the shafts of the first morning light now angle onto the landscape from a different vantage point. The wildflowers have evolved into golden, papery seed stocks.
There is a definite shift happening around us. But some things we can always count on –
The sun always rises in the east and sets in the west. There is always solid ground beneath our feet.
And the same with our internal world. We notice frustration one moment and find ourselves laughing at something silly the next. One minute, we are drawn into envy and the next minute, our heart softens watching a sunset. Emotions and moods come and go. But Self is always there.
When we get blended with our parts, it may seem as if Self is not there. So, how do we find Self?
According to the Internal Family Systems model, created by Dick Schwartz, Self is an open heart, a clear mind, our deepest essence. Self is in the present moment.
When we are blended with our parts (protectors or exiles), Self can seem like a million miles away.
Like the sun on a rainy day.
To find Self, we must unblend with parts. Remember that parts take on extreme emotions – like rage, fear, sadness. Parts also take on extreme roles – parts that like to please, parts that work too hard, parts that are critical, etc. When these parts overtake us, we are blended with them.
Sometimes, we may lack the awareness that we are blended. To unblend, we must first recognize that we are blended.
One of the first clues that we are blended is usually through a body sensation: we have an elevated heart rate, tight shoulders, or nausea in the tummy. Or maybe we feel a sense of urgency.
Here is how we unblend:
Recognize
We notice that we are blended. We have a particular physical sensation or a general feeling of unease. Maybe we feel an urgency to do something. Maybe we feel extreme emotion.
Allow
Be with the sensation, unease, or extreme emotion. What does it feel like? Acknowledge it. Ask it to give you just enough space or separation so that you can get to know the part better.
Investigate
Find out the part’s story and function. What does this part do for me? What is its role? How is it protecting me? How does this part think that it is keeping me safe? What is the part’s deepest fear? What is it ultimately concerned about?
We try to understand the part’s concerns and acknowledge those concerns. We’ll begin to see how the part is protecting us. We’ll see that the part has great intention, but we also may see that its strategy may not working at the present time. Usually, when we understand how a part is protecting us, we begin to feel compassion for the part.
Nurture
Next, we send some compassion or heart energy to that part. It may take some time, but eventually, the part begins to feel appreciated. When the part feels appreciated, generally, the part begins to feel relief and usually calms down.
We’ll begin to sense Self once more.
The clouds dissolve and the sun shines.
Having difficulties unblending with a part?
